College is usually a time of transition, as you seek out who you will become and start gaining skills for your future careers
Chapter 11
Attraction & Intimacy:
Meeting, Liking, Becoming Acquainted
(Part 1 – Internal Determinants)
An Overview of This Chapter
- The tends to be one of the chapters that students respond to most, as it often has a direct bearing on your present lives
College is usually a time of transition, as you seek out who you will become and start gaining skills for your future careers
Yet this time of your life entails a lot of relationship transitions as well. You may have recently left home, leaving family and friends and the familiarity of childhood.
In college, you are meeting new people and developing new relationships (both friendship and romantic). This chapter will focus on several aspects of these Interpersonal Relationships
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An Overview of This Chapter
- This chapter will focus on five sections, including:
Part One: Internal Determinants of Attraction
Part Two: External Determinants of Attraction
Part Three: Interactive Determinants of Attraction
Part Four: Love Relationships
Part Five: End of a Relationship
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Part One
Internal Determinants of Attraction:
The Need to Affiliate and the Basic Role of Affect
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- In this segment, we are going to focus on two internal aspects of relationships, including:
1). The importance of affiliation for human existence
A. Neurobiological factors
B. Individual differences in the need to affiliate
C. Situational factors in the need to affiliate
2). The basic role of affect
A. Direct & Indirect (Associated) Effects
B. Excitation transfer
C. Laughter and liking
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Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 1). The importance of affiliation for human existence
Our first task in this section is to figure out why human beings are driven to affiliate, or to connect, with other people
Given what you have learned in this course thus far, you can see that humans don’t always connect well with others (as is the case in prejudice and with some of our self-serving biases
But don’t get too discouraged! We are social beings, and we depend on one another for companionship, safety, affection, love, and a whole host of needs, pretty much from birth
You can tell that these needs exist at a biological level …
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Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 1). The importance of affiliation for human existence
A. Affiliation may be based on neurobiological factors
Human infants seem to be born with the motivation to seek contact with those in their social environment.
Newborns prefer to look at faces more than other stimuli
In particular, they love looking at attractive faces!
Thus humans respond automatically to facial features
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Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 1). The importance of affiliation for human existence
A. Affiliation may be based on neurobiological factors
Think about such neurobiological factors in the context of other kinds of facial features, namely facial expressions
Are facial expressions universal? If so, this helps support a biological need to understand other human beings
On the following slides, try to pick out the emotion the person is expressing!
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 1). The importance of affiliation for human existence
A. Affiliation may be based on neurobiological factors
I’m sure you got most of the six primary emotions correct on the prior slides, as they are readily recognized by almost all people across the world …
Happiness, Fear, Sadness, Anger, Surprise, Disgust
But here is a quick answer key for you just in case …
Happiness
Fear
Sadness
Anger
Surprise
Disgust
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 1). The importance of affiliation for human existence
A. Affiliation may be based on neurobiological factors.
Our ability to recognize the emotional expressions of others gives us adaptive cues, telling us what we can expect
These cues are not something that we need to learn. Instead, they seem very innate and natural
Doesn’t this give support to the notion that we are hard-wired to notice and affiliate with other people?
In that same vein, is it any wonder that we like and are attracted to those who smile and exhibit positive energy (animation) toward us?
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 1). The importance of affiliation for human existence
B. Individual differences exist in our need to affiliate. Not all people are motivated to affiliate with others to the same extent
The need for affiliation is a motive to seek and maintain interpersonal relationships (this is a fairly stable trait)
Those high in need for affiliation can hardly go an hour alone by themselves without feeling anxious
Those low in need for affiliation may find themselves living the life of a hermit in the everglades!
Most of us fall between these extremes (thankfully!)
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 1). The importance of affiliation for human existence
B. Individual differences exist in our need to affiliate. Not all people are motivated to affiliate with others to the same extent
Yet even those of us “in the middle” desire human contact:
When our affiliation needs are not met, sadness and anger may result, and our cognitive functioning may be affected
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 1). The importance of affiliation for human existence
C. Situational influences may enhance our need to affiliate
Threatening situations (natural disasters) increase affiliation
People like to affiliate with those who are experiencing the same negative event
This provides a means for social comparison
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 1). The importance of affiliation for human existence
C. Situational influences may enhance our need to affiliate
Threatening situations (natural disasters) increase affiliation
You can see this when people face crisis beyond their control. During 9/11, people sought out churches and family and friends, anything to avoid being alone
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 1). The importance of affiliation for human existence
C. Situational influences may enhance our need to affiliate
Threatening situations (natural disasters) increase affiliation
In one study, participants anticipated either a severe or a mild electrical shock
While in a waiting room, those anticipating a severe shock sat closer to other participants than those expecting mild shocks
Apparently, misery love company, especially if the rest of the company is also miserable!
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 2). Affect as a basic response system
We have already discussed affect many times—it’s a person’s emotional state (positive and negative feelings and moods)
Affect greatly impacts our attraction to others
Once again, evolutionary factors offer an explanation regarding why affect is a basic component of human behavior.
Simple, quick discriminations between stimuli can be made
Distinguishing between positive and negative stimuli helps us identify potential threats, thus increasing our likelihood of survival and reproduction
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 2). Affect as a basic response system
A. At its most basic, emotion has a direct effect on attraction
Positive affect leads to liking others
We like others better when we are in a positive mood
Other people’s positive moods can be contagious, making us feel better and increasing liking for them
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 2). Affect as a basic response system
A. At its most basic, emotion has a direct effect on attraction
Negative affect leads to disliking or avoiding others
Have you ever lashed out at others or been particularly annoyed by them when you are sad, in pain, worried?
Sometimes you just want to get away from everyone!
Others’ anger, unhappiness, and negative affect may make them less appealing, so we may try to avoid them, too
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 2). Affect as a basic response system
A. Yet emotions can also have an indirect (associated) effect
Remember classical conditioning? A neutral stimulus (after being paired with an unconditioned stimulus) leads to the same response as that unconditioned stimulus
The same thing can happen with associated effects …
Subliminally present a pleasant picture, and the positive feelings aroused by the pleasant picture may transfer to other objects
Think about the following picture …
Viewing appealing pictures like this can increase expressed liking of a person (or a product!) that one sees shortly after viewing such positive pictures.
Of course, subliminally presenting unpleasant pictures can provide a similar (albeit negative) associated effect.
Think about the following picture …
.
Yuck! Viewing this can decrease expressed liking of a person one is about to meet. (Especially this guy, but others you might meet also!)
Advertisers often pair their ad messages with positive images (which increases consumers’ good feelings for the product and makes purchases more likely)
Hi there.
Enjoying the picture?
Okay, you probably think I am being mean keeping this picture on your computer screen, huh?
I am!
Let’s move on to another effect of affect on attraction
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 2). Affect as a basic response system
B. Excitation Transfer / Arousal Misattribution
If we’re physiologically aroused (heart beating faster, sweaty palms, etc.), we try to attribute that arousal to a source
This is what happened in the Schracter and Singer study (injecting people with epinephrine and telling them there were no side effects)
But sometimes we misattribute the source of our arousal, and think it comes from (or because of) something else
For example, …
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 2). Affect as a basic response system
B. Excitation Transfer / Arousal Misattribution
In one study, men ran in place for:
15 seconds OR
2 minutes
All men then saw a tape of an attractive woman
Those men who had been running for 2 minutes saw the attractive woman as even more attractive than men who had been running for only 15 seconds.
Thus arousal from the exercise was attributed to attraction
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 2). Affect as a basic response system
C. Laughter and liking go hand in hand!
Laughter helps strengthen bonds between people. Indeed, early interactions with others usually involve forms of play that evoke laughter. It is even evolutionarily based
Think about laughing kids! They do it so naturally cross-culturally, and it really improves their socialization
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 2). Affect as a basic response system
C. Laughter and liking also apply to adults!
Sharing a humorous experience increases the likelihood of a pleasant interaction between individuals.
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "NO! I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly, completely embarrassed, and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a student in psychology methods, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?!"
- Did you like this joke? Well, if you did, maybe it will strengthen our instructor/student bond! That is …
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 2). Affect as a basic response system
C. Laughter and liking also apply to adults!
Sharing a humorous experience increases the likelihood of a pleasant interaction between individuals.
Have you noticed how many speeches begin with a funny anecdote or joke?
The speaker is “warming up” the audience so they will like the speaker and the rest of the presented content, strengthening their “bond”
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- 2). Affect as a basic response system
D. Manipulating affect can be used to influence behavior
Media advertising attempts to manipulate affect to influence consumers’ and voters’ behaviors.
Attempts are often subtle and effective.
Effect of affect on evaluation is greatest …
when the audience is uninformed
when they are unaware that their emotional state is being manipulated
when they are engaged in making decisions
Internal Determinants of Attraction
- Although it is very important to have internal determinants for attraction, little can happen if you never meet those you are bound to love! Part 2 explores such external determinants in attraction
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